Why We Fight

I would like to apologize to everyone for the delay between posts.  Time always seems to get away from me and before I know it - days pass in the blink of an eye.  I juggle a lot of things in my life - but they say busy hands are happy hands.  It is very difficult for me to stand idly by and do nothing.

Let me give you a little background on ME, the kind of person I am.  I am passionate, committed and a fighter.  I always seem to go that extra step which many people won't for the sake of keeping the peace.  That is not me. I will take on anyone, alone.  I am a firm believer in fairness and that people should be held accountable for bad decisions.  I go against the grain and often.  I am called dramatic or a trouble maker, but I am fair, I am stubborn and I am tough.  I don't back down.  Maybe I am wrong for not being the type to conform, the type to hold my ground and the kind of person who holds firm to a belief - even if it is not what everyone else thinks.  Maybe, I live my life the wrong way but one think I will never be is a victim but, like any one else I have bad days that I think about giving in and giving up - but then I remember, anything worth having is worth fighting for.  I am here to defend the defenseless.  That is my purpose in life.  I stand, alone, against the world.

This is true in anything in my life, and this is true for my Sal.  I rescued Sal aware of possible health issues but I wasn't prepared for what I was told when we saw the HVARS clinic on Friday.  Sal was sedated, given fluids, vitamins and steroids.  He was extremely dehydrated and his kidneys were enlarged.  This generally is an indicator of kidney issues, quite possibly kidney failure.  Basically, what his means is there is very little hope of his recovery...or so they say.  I suppose they would have euthanized him there, but I would be damned if I was going to let him die like that.  Alone, in the back of a mobile unit.  If I had no other choice, he would leave this world in my arms, as safe and comfortable as he could possible be, with someone who loved him.

I spent the 45 minute drive home bawling and apologizing to Sal for not being enough for him.  I cried at the injustice of the world.  I cried for all of the animals I have saved and all of those I could not.  I began to bargain with God if he could just spare the one animal who has already suffered so much and realized I had nothing to offer in return.  Not a single thing.

Sal was put in his carrier with his back facing me, even in his groggy state he found the strength to turn himself around to face me.  He stared at me with big green eyes the whole way home.  His eyes seemed softer, less angry.  He even allowed me to rest my hand on the door of the carrier and he put his head down and seemed to pray himself.  We drove home in silence.

We finally got home, I put Sal back in his crate still groggy.  He didn't even hop in his box or his cubby.  He laid between the litter box and his bed box, put his head down and fell asleep.  I sat and watched him sleep terrified he was going to leave me.  I vowed to Sal I was not going to give up on him.  I would not let him die if there was anything at all possible that I could do about it. 

I offered him some more kitten milk and some chicken livers.  He drank the milk, the livers didn't seem quite as appetizing.  (I cant say I disagree)  He was slow, but was up and around a little bit more after seeing the vet and for once I felt a little bit of hope.  I got up the next morning and there was a lot of urine and even some poop in the litter box!  We were making progress and I was sure - whatever was ailing Sal we were going to fight, beat and show the world.

Sadly, Sunday and Monday weren't as successful for us.  He is back to refusing to eat or drink, and his URI has his nose all clogged once again.  We will hopefully be able to get back to another Vet from HVARS on Friday - and perhaps get a long-term antibiotic into his frail body.  The mobile vet did not have on available.  They apparently only have a 15 day shelf life, are very expensive and it becomes wasted if only used on one animal and then usually tossed.

This is not the end of the line for Sal.  Some days the fight is harder, but I will never give it up.  I am human and some days the struggle is just all too much for me to bear but then I am reminded that I have a very special gift - a heart.  I will not forget to use it.